Have you recently found out that your lover and partner is addicted to sex? Or, do you suspect a sex addiction? Your world may just have fallen apart. This is your time for intensive support.
As a sex therapist and sex addiction specialist I frequently meet partners of a sex addicted individuals.
Remember, sex addiction is not the same as having voluntary affairs, or spending time with pornography because your relationship is boring or you are no longer attractive to your partner. And do not think the addiction is your fault because you are not sexual enough.
Sex addiction is a COMPULSIVE behaviour where the addicted person has lost all choice over their sexual related actions. It is also a myth that sex addicts enjoy their behaviour. The truth is there is usually no satisfaction.
The sex addict experiences a very short and intense high, long streches of shame, guilt and self diguest, unable to disclose due to the intense feelings of shame and fear of rejection, and intense cravigs for a new high. It can be like hell on earth.
Your partner still loves you, but feels overcome with shame and cannot stop. He or she might have convinced themselves many times to stop, but failed. Your partner's sexual acting out is not a personal act against you.
If ONE person in the family/relationship is affected by an emotional condition such as addiction, EVERYONE close to them suffers. That is why you too need support through this.
Intenvive professional treatment and support for sex addicted persons in combination with support for the partner are the best longterm prognosis for healing.
I like to differentiate between your partner, the person, and his addict. When the addict is active, your partner has no choice but to follow. When the addict had their high, the person is riddled with shame and guilt.
This feeling of failure and being out of control can lead to avoidance and social withdrawal, including from you, and at it's worst, suicide.
Sex addiction can be successfully treated. The 'road to recovery' is not easy but very worthwhile.
The 'road to recovery' is about learning what factors have contributed to create this condition in the first place, and what needs to be done to prevent relape.
Get more information from www.affirmotive.com
or call Heide during office hours on 02 9386 5656.
Take care,
Heide McConkey, Sex Therapist
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