I have promised to demystify SEX ADDICTION. What is it - what is it not.
Sex addiction is NOT the occasional, recreational or periodical use of sex. The need and drive for sex is natural and a key element of survival of the species. It is life itself, good, healthy, enjoyable and of intense pleasure.
A high or higher than normal sex drive also does not qualify for sex addiction. One also needs to discuss what is 'normal' or 'higher'.
Sex addiction is a behaviour where the addicted person has NO CHOICE but to repeat sexual rituals in order to feel good, at least for a while.
This means, if the sex addicted person feels very down, restless, moody, anxious, tense, angry, hurt by someone, not trusted by a significant other, stressed, lonely, rejected, or has strong feelings of being blamed, not wanted, unloved, useless or not good enough, - they will naturally look for ways to get out of this horrible state and to relief themselves of these unbearable feelings.
They have long discovered that sex is what works for them to escape these negative mood states.
For some it means masturbation, others use porn of all sorts, others prefer switching partners and/or seek services from sex workers of any sexual orientation, including transsexual sex workers.
In all cases this compulsive behaviour is used to control these horrible feelings, with aim to feel better. It has little to do with sex itself, but sex works - for a short time, until these negative mood states return and more sex is needed to fix this.
The sex addict's life spirals out of control progressively, sex and more sex, new forms of sex, more time and money is needed to keep the status quo.
At this point sex addicts may become very concerned and even really fearful that they are unable to control their lives. All becomes sex.
They may increasingly prefer the company of like-minded people, avoid former social contacts, neglect family, spouses, loved ones, lie about their activities or spending behaviours, and live secret lives.
Some may have have tried to stop, seriously to stop - but could not. Some are fearful, feel guilty, shamed, lose their self respect and have thoughts of wanting 'to end it all' - and some do.
Please note, IF YOU HAVE ANY THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE, YOU MUST CONTACT YOUR COUNSELLOR, THERAPIST, DOCTOR OR HOSPITAL NEAR YOU.
Sex Addiction is a treatable disorder with good and permanent outcomes.
If you think you might be a sex addict, please contact me on www.affirmotive.com or by phone 02 9386 5656 for further information or for reservation of appointment for professional counselling and sex therapy.
Heide McConkey, M.A.I.P.C., C.M.A.C.A., Sexologist ASSERT