Sex Therapist

SEX ADDICTION AUSTRALIA AFFIRMOTIVE NEWS

2011-11-10T00:19:00.000-08:00

The release of our new website www.sexaddictionaustralia.com.au is just around the corner. We are expecting to be ready for the launch by January 2012. We hope you will enjoy our new and specialized site. We focus on information, education, treatment, and relapse prevention of the most controversial addiction of all - sexual addiction - who is at risk, what are the causes, how to treat sexual dependency, and how to introduce healthy sexuality.

Affirmotive Sex Addiction Australia will also focus on support, rehabilitation, and healing of the addict's relationships, and the severe negative and devastating impacts on the addict's spouse, family, and friends. Sex Addiction Australia offers a realistic possibility to say goodbye to your sex addiction for good. Our clinical experience in treating sexual addiction confirms that full recovery can be achieved.

Sex Addiction Australia will furnish you with a comprehensive professional survey to assess your risk of you having addicted. You may also appreciate our polls or drop a personal question into our Ask a Question box.

Affirmotive's sex therapist Heide is looking forward hearing from you. Till next time!

RELATIONSHIP CONFLICT SOLVED WITH LOVE

2011-04-08T02:27:00.000-07:00

Relationships are a union of usually two individuals, mostly - not always - of a different gender, a different age, and sometimes of different cultural, religious or spiritual backgrounds. It is no surprise that different opinions and values domineer the relationship landscape. In the first stages of honeymoon and limerence differences stay often invisible or deliberately unaddressed. Instead couples are blessed with oxytocin, a sex hormone helping them to bond, and much infatuation for each other. Sex is plentiful on the agenda. Limerence is a one off and passing high in any new relationship and usually exhausts after 12 to 18 month.

The actual part of relating starts here. Differences show up and tend to create partner problems. Disappointment sets in if the conflicting views and feelings stay unresolved. Sex life will suffer the negative consequences of unrealistic and unresolved relationship expectations.

Partners can learn to overcome their conflicts with communicating their feelings and needs assertively. A loving will to sort out differences is necessary. Skilled communication starts with listening, owning and containing one's own emotions and allowing the partner to speak without interrupting . Time to speak up should be shared equally, and feedback to what has been said needs to be given, making sure that the listening partner has fully understood what has been said. When the talking partner is finished roles need to be swopped.

After both partners have clearly understood the nature of their dilemma, problem solving imputes need to be shared and agreed on by both sides. In the event of repeated failure of implementing new steps and changes a professional sex and relationship therapist can help.

Sexual Health Therapist Heide McConkey from Affirmotive in Bondi Junction

2010-07-19T17:37:00.000-07:00

LIBIDO MISMATCH

2010-02-11T02:27:00.000-08:00

Libido is the desire for sex, if we feel like it or simply not. Libido differences are a normal every day occurrence in sexual relationships.

Libidos are naturally fluctuating and depend on many life influences. If libido conflicts are left untreated they may result in relationship upheaval or break up. The 'higher libido' partner may feel frustrated and angry because their 'lower libido' partner cannot meet their needs. The 'lower libido' partner may feel increasingly anxious, stressed, angry and under undue pressure and may avoid intimate situations altogether because they feel unable to meet their partners sexual expectations - a vicious cycle.

Sex therapists treat couples with libido issues every day. Commonly more women present with low libido, but it would be a mistake to assume that low libido is a female sexual dysfunction. I treat is an increasing number of men in their mid twenties and forties who's relationships threaten to break up because they simply don't feel like sex.

In some cases the disorder may originate from abnormal low testosterone/androgen levels. A simple blood test and hormone replacement treatment by a qualified medical practitioner may remedy the condition.

More often however, low energy, boredom, toxic stress, a too busy life style, hormonal roller coster after giving birth and/or breast feeding, other hormonal imbalances, the strains of raising a family, relationship discord, depression, worry, a poor understanding of sex and sexuality, poor health, illness, certain medications, alcohol or drug abuse, a lack of privacy, obesity, a lack of physical exercise, and many more overlooked life factors can act as contributors to distress, all capable to suppress libido.

Professional counselling and sex therapy provided by AFFIRMOTIVE have had success in treating libido mismatch effectively.

If you have further questions how to improve your sexual relationship please call Heide during office hours on 02 9386 5656.

Cheers Heide

SEX FETISH

2009-09-23T17:49:00.000-07:00

A sex fetish can be an object, body part, or behavior which in its self is not necessarily sexual, but becomes associated with high sexual arousal.

Many things can act as a fetish. A common sex fetish example is a female stocking or pantyhose. These are non sexual objects by nature and would not turn on most people.

The change occurs when the stocking becomes an object in sexually stimulating fantasies and association to sexual seduction or a sexual act.

The fetish acts as an on or off switch to an 'internal sex-video'.

The history of a fetish is not always clear, but in occasions can be traced to childhood or adolescent development.

Untreated fetishes may gain in strength over time. Some affected individuals MUST have their fetish present, either by wearing, using or doing it themselves, or by urging their sex partner to do so.

An untreated sex fetish may even have the power to completely erase any natural sexual arousal, and the affected person totally relies on their fetish. No fetish means no sexual desire or arousal.

Sex fetishes are 'die-hards' but can be treated. I have seen some successful outcomes in people who wanted to change their life and rescue their relationship.

SEXUAL ANOREXIA

2009-05-15T02:10:00.000-07:00

Unlike other addictions, sexual addictions present in a variety of forms. The most common expressions are addictions to masturbation, pornography, multiple or frequent changing sexual partners, erotica, prostitutes, strip clubs, and massage parlous.

SEXUAL ANOREXIA ranges on the opposite scale of indulgence and is often overlooked in the mix of sexual addictions.

Sexual anorexics can be men or women, who may have suffered traumatic sexual rejection, sexual exploitation, or have histories of emotional or sexual childhood abuse.

Most sexual anorexics are not aware of the hidden dynamics that drives their behaviour. Despite the fact of obsessive sex avoidance, periods of excessive sexual bingeing are also common.

Sexual anorexia is an altered state of consciousness where physical, emotional, and mental avoidance of sex and pleasure dominates one's life. It is an unconscious protection against losing oneself as a person and a contradicting way of coping with all stress and all life difficulties.

Sexual anorexics may compensate with other extremes like co-dependency, chemical addictions, behavioural addictions, or deprivation behaviours including compulsive cleaning, hoarding, saving, debting/overspending, or various phobias.

People with sexual anorexia have difficulties to form healthy relationships. Symptoms of anorgasmia or a lack of sexual interest are common.

If you have further questions please call Affirmotive's Sex Addiction Therapist Heide on +61 2 9386 5656

PARTNER SUPPORT OF SEX ADDICTED LOVED ONES

2008-12-04T19:45:00.000-08:00

Have you recently found out that your lover and partner is addicted to sex? Or, do you suspect a sex addiction? Your world may just have fallen apart. This is your time for intensive support.

As a sex therapist and sex addiction specialist I frequently meet partners of a sex addicted individuals.

Remember, sex addiction is not the same as having voluntary affairs, or spending time with pornography because your relationship is boring or you are no longer attractive to your partner. And do not think the addiction is your fault because you are not sexual enough.

Sex addiction is a COMPULSIVE behaviour where the addicted person has lost all choice over their sexual related actions. It is also a myth that sex addicts enjoy their behaviour. The truth is there is usually no satisfaction.

The sex addict experiences a very short and intense high, long streches of shame, guilt and self diguest, unable to disclose due to the intense feelings of shame and fear of rejection, and intense cravigs for a new high. It can be like hell on earth.

Your partner still loves you, but feels overcome with shame and cannot stop. He or she might have convinced themselves many times to stop, but failed. Your partner's sexual acting out is not a personal act against you.

If ONE person in the family/relationship is affected by an emotional condition such as addiction, EVERYONE close to them suffers. That is why you too need support through this.

Intenvive professional treatment and support for sex addicted persons in combination with support for the partner are the best longterm prognosis for healing.

I like to differentiate between your partner, the person, and his addict. When the addict is active, your partner has no choice but to follow. When the addict had their high, the person is riddled with shame and guilt.

This feeling of failure and being out of control can lead to avoidance and social withdrawal, including from you, and at it's worst, suicide.

Sex addiction can be successfully treated. The 'road to recovery' is not easy but very worthwhile.
The 'road to recovery' is about learning what factors have contributed to create this condition in the first place, and what needs to be done to prevent relape.

Get more information from www.affirmotive.com
or call Heide during office hours on 02 9386 5656.

Take care,
Heide McConkey, Sex Therapist

OVERCOMING SEX ADDICTION

2008-09-22T00:51:00.000-07:00

With the latest news of actor David Duchovny being in rehab to overcome his self confessed sex addiction, the genie of sexual addiction is finally 'out of the bottle'.

In effect, sexual addiction can hit anyone, disregarding of gender or culture.
The definition of sex addiction is 'not being able to stop a destructive obsession with sex, disregarding being aware of the harmful consequences this behaviour will cause, and to spend more time to satisfy one's sexual cravings.'

Sex addicts use sex as the 'thing' which provides a high, sex is used as the 'drug of choice.' There is no intimacy, no relating, disregarding of having sexual partners or being addicted to porn or masturbation. It is quite a lonesome trip.

Eventually more and more time is used for sex with little or no satisfaction. The sex addict is constantly on the chase for the novel, the more perfect, partner, image, sexual practice, orgasm, exciting venue - with no real pay-off, but a lot of shame and guilt.

Secrecy, loss of relationships, family, workplace problems , overspending, isolation and depression are often the long-term outcome.

Sex addicts are in a real struggle between quitting and relapsing. A 1000% commitment to emotional wellness and professional sex addiction therapy are needed to quit. It's tough work, but it is possible.

You can call Affirmotive's experienced sexologist on 02 9386 5656 during office hours for more information or for booking professional consultations.

Cheers,
Heide

SINGS OF SEXUAL ADDICTION

2008-05-01T21:38:00.000-07:00

Are you concerned with sexual addiction?

Take a minute reading.

You have a pattern of out-of control behaviour.

· You are risking severe adverse consequences due to your sexual behaviours.

· You find yourself unable to stop your sexual behaviours despite adverse consequences.

· You persistently pursue high-risk self-destructive sexual behaviours.

· You have an ongoing desire or make ongoing efforts to cut down or limit your sexual behaviours.

· You use sexual obsessions and fantasy as your primary coping strategy when you are in a negative mood state.

· You need to increase the amounts of sexual experience, because your current level of sexual activity is no longer sufficient.

· You experience severe positive or negative mood changes around sexual activity.

· You spend excessive amounts of time in preparing for sex, obtaining sex, being sexual, and recovering from a sexual activity.

· You find it difficult to meet the demands of work, or neglect important social or recreational activities because of your sexual behaviour.

· You are in financial difficulties because you spend significant amounts of your money on sex.

· You neglect self-care, rather then giving yourself enough sleep or healthy food, you occupy yourself with obtaining and acting out sex.

· You are in financial difficulties because you do not meet your occupational demands due to your sexual activities.

· You missed out on promotion due to your sexual obsessions.

· You have broken the law to feed your sexual needs.

Im I a Sex Addict?

2008-05-01T21:28:00.000-07:00

If you are concerned you could be a Sex Addict spend a few minutes reading.

Here is a list of signs that could indicate you might suffer from a sexual addiction.

SEX ADDICTION - WHAT IT IS, WHAT IS IT NOT

2008-02-07T01:25:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone,
I have promised to demystify SEX ADDICTION. What is it - what is it not.

Sex addiction is NOT the occasional, recreational or periodical use of sex. The need and drive for sex is natural and a key element of survival of the species. It is life itself, good, healthy, enjoyable and of intense pleasure.

A high or higher than normal sex drive also does not qualify for sex addiction. One also needs to discuss what is 'normal' or 'higher'.

Sex addiction is a behaviour where the addicted person has NO CHOICE but to repeat sexual rituals in order to feel good, at least for a while.

This means, if the sex addicted person feels very down, restless, moody, anxious, tense, angry, hurt by someone, not trusted by a significant other, stressed, lonely, rejected, or has strong feelings of being blamed, not wanted, unloved, useless or not good enough, - they will naturally look for ways to get out of this horrible state and to relief themselves of these unbearable feelings.

They have long discovered that sex is what works for them to escape these negative mood states.

For some it means masturbation, others use porn of all sorts, others prefer switching partners and/or seek services from sex workers of any sexual orientation, including transsexual sex workers.

In all cases this compulsive behaviour is used to control these horrible feelings, with aim to feel better. It has little to do with sex itself, but sex works - for a short time, until these negative mood states return and more sex is needed to fix this.

The sex addict's life spirals out of control progressively, sex and more sex, new forms of sex, more time and money is needed to keep the status quo.

At this point sex addicts may become very concerned and even really fearful that they are unable to control their lives. All becomes sex.

They may increasingly prefer the company of like-minded people, avoid former social contacts, neglect family, spouses, loved ones, lie about their activities or spending behaviours, and live secret lives.

Some may have have tried to stop, seriously to stop - but could not. Some are fearful, feel guilty, shamed, lose their self respect and have thoughts of wanting 'to end it all' - and some do.

Please note, IF YOU HAVE ANY THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE, YOU MUST CONTACT YOUR COUNSELLOR, THERAPIST, DOCTOR OR HOSPITAL NEAR YOU.

Sex Addiction is a treatable disorder with good and permanent outcomes.

If you think you might be a sex addict, please contact me on www.affirmotive.com or by phone 02 9386 5656 for further information or for reservation of appointment for professional counselling and sex therapy.

Warm regards,
Heide McConkey, M.A.I.P.C., C.M.A.C.A., Sexologist ASSERT

Sex Therapist

2007-11-15T18:46:00.000-08:00

Affirmotive offers a private therapeutic counselling which includes sex therapy.

Through Affirmotive's counselling people can gain awareness about what has shaped their lives. We promote healing through finding meaning, honesty, personal growth and respect for the self and others.

Affirmotive ensures that the highest standards in professional counselling are adhered to while maintaining client confidentiality and emotional wellbeing.

Sex Therapist - Affirmotive

2007-11-15T15:06:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Affirmotive,

We believe that live is to be enjoyed. At Affirmotive we integrate sexuality, sensuality, sex therapy, and relationship counselling.

Our view is that sexual competence leads to good self esteem.

We provide sex therapy, sex tips and sex education that are effective to build sexual and relationship harmony.

Sexuality is a normal part of life and continues into old age. Our sexual function however can change and it is our responsibility to take care of what nature has gifted to us.